He & I

I think it's beautiful
that the same being
who suffered every ache, disappointment, sorrow, & struggle,
thought that I too, was worth dying for.
that the king of all mankind,
pulls me by my humble hand out of my deepest, darkest waters, no matter how many times I've fallen in the same sea.
that being that knows no limits, knows of every mistake I have ever made, and still,
believes that I am capable of all that I can dream of.
that beacon of light, He loves me.
He loves me for everything I am, everything I once was,
& everything I have yet to become.
He digs me out of the trenches I bury myself in, just to plant wildflowers in my past.
I think it's beautiful,
and I can't help but wonder how anyone couldn't see it.
How truly strikingly beautiful it is,
that the only perfect living being in a universe built on infinite galaxies,
looks at me
in my most imperfect state
and sees every star in a galaxy all my own.
Not the meteors I bring crashing upon myself, or the stars that have fallen out of my sky.
No,
He just sees me.

company

that's the funny thing
about being a writer
you see the charm
in mediocre things
like waking up to rain on mondays
& takeout boxes in dimly lit kitchens,
fallen trees
& messy beds
city lights &
the act of
running away from them

you see something beautiful
where others only see

and it can get a little lonely
in this big world
of seeing beautiful things
the way
only your
eyes can see

and maybe that's why I always have this pen in my hand.
maybe it's just the ink
that keeps me company.

hello / goodbye

I never loved airport terminals before,

not the way I did the night

you hugged me hello 

surrounded by tall windows filled with stars

& strangers waiting for their someone

just like I was waiting 

for you

I stood with my fingers tangled together 

and my sneakers anxiously tapping the florescent light reflecting floors

sighing at the sight of every suitcase being pulled by anyone but you

then suddenly,

there you were.

I watched you walk 

with that old backpack

slung over your shoulders. 

I ran to you & you caught me

you keep doing that,

catching me.

I wrapped my arms around your neck 

& laughed when my words got caught in my throat

you smelled just like I remembered 

but your eyes, somehow they looked even better

 & gosh, your arms felt like crashing

back into the half of myself that's been lost

like my chest finally let me breathe a full breath again

you held my hand the whole way home

and all I could think 

was that nothing 

in all my life

has ever felt more lovely than being there 

with you 

 /

I laid my tired head on your shoulder

and let the tears fall   

& all I could think 

was that nothing has ever hurt as much 

as letting you go 

you held my hand the whole way there

but it was so much different than before

you pressed my shaking shoulders to your chest 

and kissed me one last time,

whispered I love you,

and I let you go.

I watched you walk

with that old backpack 

slung over your shoulders

until I lost you in the crowd

surrounded by strangers just like me 

hugging their someone goodbye

I turned to go,

and looked over my shoulder just one last time

wishing that you might come back and catch me 

the way you do

but you didn't 

you couldn't 

so I rode home 

with my hand clasped to the necklace you placed around my neck 

so many nights before

and smiled a sad smile.

I never ached in an airport terminal before,

not the way I did early the morning

you hugged me goodbye

turqoise

i get lost in those eyes
my mama laughs at me
because i lost all ability
to see anyone
but you

but maybe
it's for reasons beyond their
turquoise color 
past your long lashes
past the honesty and
past the way they soften at the edges
when you look at me
like we're each keeping half a secret
from the rest of the room

maybe i fell for your eyes
because when i look long enough
i can see you 
who you used to be
& who you dream about being

i can see the battles you've won
& the falls you've taken
i can see the regrets
& the tears you so rarely let fall

i can see the dreams
you fall asleep to at night
& i can see every "i love you"
you've ever left on my lips

maybe i get so lost
because i can see
my own stars
strung up in your soul
staring back at me
like we've been wandering around
all this time
just waiting
for our first
hello

maybe
it's just
you

j u n e s h o w e r s

& sometimes I look in your eyes

and wonder

how somebody like you 

who dreads the rain 

could love somebody like me 

who waits for it to pour 

feeling funny

It's been a while
just a little while
since you were last here
& I can't put my finger on it,
this sadness, or why it's here

but it's been a little while
since you were last here

I've been missing you
& the way you
kiss my ear
and,
I'm beginning
to feel
funny

h a n n a h

we ran down to the mailbox tonight
you and me
in the night air
like the little kids
we used to know
laughing and kicking
up drops of water
off the pavement
the air smelled sweet
like august rain
and the stars
were hidden behind grey clouds
just like the night we flew home
from the coast last summer
and I couldn't help but smile
because if anyone
in this world
shares my same laugh
it's you

sincerely, periwinkle walls

I like to believe that a bedroom
can say a lot
of the person
who claims it
       and if that is so
       I wonder what mine might say of me
       what these four walls
       whisper about me
       while I sleep
              what these lights strung high
              think of my messy brown hair
              & if the floors ache the moment my
              perpetually cold toes tip toe across the room
                      I wonder if my unlaced shoes on the floor
                      look lonely or loved
                      and if the records spinning
                     around & around
                     flatter the three vases of flowers with every line
                     and melody of the songs they sing
                                   and if the window in front of me
                                   wonders what lays beyond my
                                   surface, just as much as I wonder
                                   about the things that lay
                                   beyond its glass
                                             then I suppose my room
                                             must have a lot to say
                                             about me.
                     

pinky promise

you say my name like it's alway been
there on your tongue,
written in your palms
since the day you were born
and you hold my heart in your hands
like you're afraid it might crack open
under your care
but I'm not scared
because you know how to calm the storm
after 3 a.m. hurricanes
and when my eyes form oceans,
your lips drip honey
and when I lay defeated
left in one thousand shards
you pick me up off the floor
and press me back together
with a single smile
and I know
no matter what
If ever I break
you won't be the one
with blood on your hands
so says
your
pinky
promise

hands

i think it's funny

l o v e 

and what it does to you + i + our hands.

 sometimes i laugh to myself

because i hold your palms so close to mine

so often, they might as well have come attached 

and love, i've traced your smile so many times
i'd know it from a thousand different sets of perfect lips
just like the back of my hand

+ love, i love the way you brush my hair 

with your fingertips

as if i'm the most fragile thing 

you've ever held in your arms

+
i think it's funny, love,
that my hand still hasn't gotten used
to letting yours hold the door
and that your hugs,
 the kind where your hands linger
for a little while
on the small of my back,
still send shivers up my spine
and maybe someday,
you'll tell me how you figured out
how to whisper sweet nothings
with just your thumbs brushing my hands softly
like we've made our own braille
i think it's funny, love,
the funny things that love does
to you + i
+
our hands