Amour

The first one.
The one that took all my courage to say.
The one that makes you feel so small,
 a vulnerable little leaf in the wind,
until it leaves you elated.
"I love you too."
And it begins.

The one that follows a fire. When words are thrown like darts & I've cried & you're the reason why. I can hear you sigh through the static of my phone,
 "I'm sorry, I love you."

The one you leave on my lips, standing outside the airport. My lips taste salty & your hands are wrapped around me so tight, then you have to let go.
"I'll see you soon, I promise. I love you."

The desperate kind. I miss you & I've run out of words to tell you why, and all that is left is "I love you", but it suddenly seems so little compared to what I feel for you.
"...but, I really love you. I love you, so much. Gosh I love you."

Goodnight, I hardly ever remember if I say it back. But I always remember you saying those three little words. My heart feels so warm against yours, I wonder if you can feel the beats skipped. Laying in your arms is the safest place in the world. You brush my hair out of my eyes,
"I love you, baby. sweet dreams."

When you whisper sweet nothings & fill my stomach with butterflies. You lean in slow enough to stop time, & kiss me softly, resting your head on mine,
And you've said it so many times before, but for the millionth time, you're realizing it for what feels like the first time.
"I love you".

tell me anything

All I need is your voice at the end of the day
For you to tell me you're so in love
"Baby, everything's ok."
Tell me you listened to our song today & tell me it made you miss my smile
And when I can feel every single last mile between us,
tell me to hold on just a little longer, until you can step off a plane
& wrap your arms around my waist.
Tell me you wouldn't mind a thousand lonely nights, if they led to just one kiss.
Tell me you remember the day we met perfectly.
Tell me you'll never look back.
Tell me I'm your girl.
Tell me you love me
& tell me why.
Tell me I'm not alone.
Tell me anything.

home

sometimes I get tired of this place
it's all I've ever known
I've watched the summer melt into fall from this porch my whole life,
& its always the same
the air smells familiar every spring
and compared to the world, the days spent here aren't very exciting.

my dad & I, one night around ten o'clock, left to look at pickups. He's a truck driving kind of man, and no matter what kind of car he fancies & sells his truck for in a moment, it's always a fleeting moment. He can't help it.
so there we were, at the lit up empty car dealership, right across from the high school he went to so many years ago; the same halls my sister graduated from just months ago. there was a game going on, you could hear he cheers exploded from the football field. the stars were so bright. brighter than any city lights I've ever seen.
It was comforting, in an odd sort of way.
the trucks & the rumble of the game across the street.
In my little corner of the world, most everyone is wearing a familiar face. I know the cashiers at the grocery store & all the back roads like they're engraved on my heart...Not everyone has that.
& I know in years to come I won't be here anymore. Someday will be the first day in my life that I won't wake up living on the same street I always have.
That moment, It's bittersweet to think of.

But spring is here again, and the air smells so familiar. Sometimes I get tired of knowing every street & building I pass.
But never will I ever get tired of the familiarity. Of this quiet town & the way the air smells, every spring. Of home.

H I M

I like to think that he'll jump at any chance just to hear my voice. That he'll want my company as much as I want his. And if I lose my way, he'll come to find me & stay by me, even long after I've fallen asleep... he'll look at me & smile while I dream, and maybe he'll dream about what it might be like to have me forever. To be a home for each other's souls. He'll listen to the songs I do, and lose himself inside of them, trying to hear my thoughts in between the lines. When I want to tell him about life as I see it, I might notice the minutes passing, but he'll just look at me & smile, because there's not a place in the world that's better to be. He'll be my friend first, the kind whose shoulder has my name written on it. The kind that answers the phone whenever because he'll know, I've always got something to say. The kind that shares my same laughter. The kind that falls in love with that laughter. The kind that lets me cry when I need to, and wipes the tears away, letting them fall & be forgotten. The patient kind, who'll remind me no matter how many times I need reminding, he's there & he'll move mountains to be by my side if he has to.
 The best kind.
& he'll be careful. So careful when he holds my heart in his hands.
Careful not to break me.
Careful to see me exactly as I am,
and let the rest of the world fall away.

Until all that is left standing,
 is him & I.

Purpose

whoever made you believe your life should be spent finding your purpose must live in such a hollow world.
your purpose, that was given to you the second your little heart started beating, It's so unmistakable. the way you shine, with every breath you take, don't you see it?  Life was never about finding a purpose. Darling, stop searching. You have always had it. It's God given, and no one & nothing can take it from you. Life isn't a journey to find it. It's about realizing it. Grasping it, & running with it wherever your heart pulls you. Every step you take is so miraculous, & the life inside of you is nothing short of spectacular. Take what is yours. Fulfill the purpose of the person you have always been & let all the rest fall away.
It's up to you.
It has always been up to you.
& to anyone who tries to tell you different, give them a smile & head out on your way. They'll realize it too, someday.

Irony

My mother is a French major, who has never been to France.
She had every intention of packing her bags & getting to where she thought she needed to be. But January changed her mind. She met a man with blue eyes & blonde hair, with working boots & blue jeans. They fell in love faster than the seasons could change, & became best friends. She started skipping class just to watch him work in the shop that used to be one town over. They spent everyday together, in a little town she never meant to grow her roots in. So when the time came for her to run off to France, she stayed. He loved her, his crimson haired all American girl, with Parisian blood pumping through her veins. And she loved him, so much. So much, that loving him then & forever seemed so much more of an adventure than a suitcase & a passport could've given her. She chose him.
They got married that fall, and my sister came along two years after.
 & I followed her, a brown eyed girl my mother named Madeleine, who cannot speak a lick of French.

hazel eyes

he lives in some kind of world
that only he can see
his hazel eyes, with streaks of gold
 they hold their own sky
& a forest all his own
but on a good day,
if you watch long enough
& study his gaze
you might just catch a glimpse
of the wonder he so effortlessly
paints around himself,
 day & night
as if the world was made only for him
to run wild in, & discover for the first time
as if God gave him a map
the rest of us are still trying our hardest to piece together

c a m e r o n

his happiness is so simple
he never stops having questions to ask
seeing a bird in a window, or a hand to hold, that's all it takes.
I hope that, even just a little bit, I'm always like that too.
that I always have a heart soft enough to let life's smallest treasures
make me smile, too.

photo box

that's the thing about photos
life changes, everyday,
people change
just like the trees
time alters things
us & everything around us
constantly shifting into
something different, every minute
but memories are forever.
they cannot be touched by time
& a moment
is simply a collection of
seconds that can't be recreated
the faces in the picture will never age
the moment will never fade
time stands still,
frozen in that instant

and that is something so precious,
not even time can change it
into anything it is not
it is forever honest & true
ever existing

so few things in life are as priceless
as a single memory