c r u s h

There are butterflies, and blushing.
There's tripping over your own feet and checking your hair in your reflection.
The nervous glances and the smiles that never seems to fade.
There's having a crush,
There's falling in love,
& then, there's this.

about yesterday

my life has been a series of events going against the things I thought I had planned

to some, it may look as if I'm clumsily trying to contain a monsoon in a jar

and maybe I am 

maybe I'm just chasing the stars 

& maybe I'm a little backwards and flipped upside down 

but they aren't seeing the view from my window 

that window, I crashed trough it a long time ago

and fell free

I rarely land on my feet 

but I don't mind the grass stains 

so here I am.

& from where I'm standing now, 

there are no roadsigns

no next step 

no get out of jail free card

just one day at a time 

      over 

       and 

        over

until I've found my way

doing what I've always done 

laughing hard

& listening to music by people who've been there

learning from the mistakes 

and making more, but differently this time 

praying everyday for a little guidance

& writing about it all at the end of the day

I have absolutely no idea where it is that I'm going
but I know where I'm from
and the people who've always loved me
will always be home
            &

 I'm getting there

to wherever my place in this world is 

but until I find it,

I'm living 

and nothing has ever been so beautiful

       Here I am. 
      In all of my messy, beautiful chaos. 
     Here I am. 

i n k

& I've found that I am so much better with a pen
than I am with my lips

sometimes I don't know what my heart is telling me to say,
until the ink has dried

so excuse the tears of frustration
and the silent moments in between

I have stories to tell & questions burning holes in my mind
I want my words to form poetry

but try to understand

my hands are at my sides

and my tongue is tied

& this heart on my sleeve,
it beats to the sound of your "hello"

so please, excuse the tears of frustration
and the silent moments in between

because I have so much to say
but I can't find the words
so I'll take a deep breath
& give you the only three I know
I'll pray you'll hold them close      
              just before they fall
                  spilling from my mouth
                       
                       I love you.