Dear California,
your roads confuse me. why is everyone going so fast & where is it they're all going to? & your sky is the same one I was born under, only I could swear it is a thousand times bigger here. and the sun. gosh the sun, it changes you here. it stains my skin & splatters my shoulders with freckles I've never known before. it makes my hair blonder, and my toes warmer.
& your sand is nice, sure, but it really only makes me miss the gulf I grew up with.
your water is fierce & cold, and driven. as if it is older than all the other water in the world. as if it has seen so much that it has chosen to give up on letting time pass slowly, and now moves its own time, waiting for no one. it is the most independent water I've ever met.
now don't get me wrong, you are beautiful.
I love the colors you paint yourself with & the flowers that grow wild & free everywhere you turn. I love the desert & the salty air & the distance that separates them. I love the night sky & the never ending black ocean & the hypnotizing headlights. I love the cool air. I love the barber shop with the open door on state street, and the coffee shop just off the pier with tables occupied by thinkers & dreamers & people falling in love.
& California, you make me feel so small. but just between you & me, I kind of like it. It isn't home, but it makes me appreciate home. I'm anonymous here. nobody knows my face & no one is going to remember my name. you're almost a dream to me, a different odd fantasy every time I return.
& nothing ever looks just the same as I left it. maybe that's the beauty of you & I.
maybe I don't understand you & maybe you'll never understand me. I'll never remember which roads to take & you'll never wait for me to change. we'll just keep living one day at a time, until someday, we'll meet again. same place, same time. & we'll talk about life & people
on the street & time will pass, leaving us behind.
& we'll try to understand.
but until then, I'll be here & you'll be there,
remembering everything a few shades different than they ever really were.
Until then.
all my love,
M
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