w h a t I k n o w

Right now, in this moment, I am younger than I will be tomorrow, and older than I was yesterday.
I am naive & trusting & I fall hard & love harder. I'm just wise enough to learn a lesson from my mistakes once, but even still, I will likely have to learn it all again. When I stop to think of the things this world has taught me, outside of textbooks & classrooms, I really only know a few things for certain. I mean really know, engraved in my heart, kind of know.
Mostly, I know that happiness comes from living life itself.
It sounds almost too simple to even have to say.
Happiness comes from living,
not plans or routines.

So when asked about who I might become,
all I know is that
one day at a time,
I want to collect a vast knowledge of my favorite topics, but not so much that I lose all curiosity.
I want to happen upon a sunflower field on a road trip, so I can stop & steal a bundle of sunshine for the journey.
I want to marry someone who will bring me white daisies on Wednesday's just because, & who'll split oranges with me for the rest of forever... someone who makes my knees weak & cheeks hurt from laughing so much. My best friend.
I want to drink my weight in strawberry lemonade
& wear a sundress everyday that the weather permits.
On the days when I just can't be bothered,
I'll slip on those old chucks & my favorite pair of worn in blue jeans
& smile my best smile.
"Beauty is a mindset", I'll tell myself. Be happy.
I want to wear my hair in a salty braid after a day in the ocean.
I want to help people smile.I want to ride with the windows down & read books about the good things in life until the sun sets in my frosty window.
I want to have freckles on my cheeks every July &
celebrate the weak tan lines on my shoulders.
I want to wake up to the first snowfall in the middle of 3 & 5 am.
I'll pray often, because I know He wants to know how my days are going.
I hope that I'll be making the little girl I once was proud.
I'll eat lot's of fruit
& always keep a little extra cash in my boot for the room with a view.

When asked about my dreams, I tell them I dream about happiness. The happiness I have right now, and the same happiness I'll have tomorrow. Because I know happiness doesn't come from those firework moments that come around only a few times in your life. It's in the midday sunspots on your hardwood floors & Tuesday lunch dates with your best friend.
It's about collecting experiences like fireflies in a jar.

I hope that I'll never forget that's it's a remarkably exciting thing just to keep living. to feel & see & learn & to find adventure.
 & if ever I'm asked how I keep my smile,
 I hope I'll think back to when I was 17
 Just learning about the world around me,
 and say,
Fall in love with every step you take.
 With the breaths you're granted, and the dreams you haven't yet grasped.
 With life.
 That's the key to joy, my friend.
  To fall in love with the sun when it shines
  & when the rain pours, dance with it.

People are always asking me what I plan on doing with my life,
as if it's not a big deal, merely small talk.
Which I suppose is very fitting,
because all I ever want to say back is very simple
I plan
on being
happy.

h e l l o l o v e

If only you could see
the smile on my face
when you answer the phone
In a sleepy morning voice
you would probably look at me
and smirk the way you do
when you catch me smiling at you

t w o t h o u s a n d m i l e s

sometimes it keeps me up at night
that I won't be there
to tell you happy birthday
or hold your hand
on just any tuesday night

and I'm not a jealous person
but I am jealous of those
who get to see your smile
everyday

It breaks my heart just a little
that no matter how many stars I wish on
I won't be able to
trace your bottom lip
with my index finger
just before I lean in
to whisper I love you

and even if I use every candle wish
In your favor
I still won't feel your arms around me
at least not today
& tomorrow when I wake
it will still be the same

but there's no use in crying over
spilled milk
or the
two thousand miles
In between your heart & mine

and maybe I outta smile
because at least for now
I will never get used
to the way your lips feel
against mine,
how every kiss
still feels like the first
& at least for now
the scent of your cologne
makes my heart jump
at least for now,
"goodbye"
still brings tears to my eyes
at least for now, looking at you
across the room is the most precious,
rarest, indescribably peaceful sight to see

so maybe I outta smile
because when I saw you
for the first time
all over again,
in those blue eyes
I fell in love
all over again

journey

maybe that's why
I love the journey
so much

because everywhere you stop
to fill up on food
 or fuel
to stretch your legs
 or explore
to smell the flowers
 or feel the snow on your lashes

this is someone's home
the setting of their story
the streets they know
like the back of their hand

but not yours
no one here knows your name
& they won't ask you
how your folks are doing

they're strangers to me & you
and someone else's best friend
they have stories to tell
& if you look closely
you'll see some written on the walls

this is why I love the journey
to be a stranger
In a strange place
to smell the air of another city
to watch the world go by through the same window
& to come back, having left a piece of yourself behind
& replacing it
with a new piece
making you
a different you
than you've ever known before

you're going to pass people
people who will go to sleep
in their homes here
& wake up in the same place
as the weeks preceding

for a split second
you may make eye contact
and you'll share a smile of unfamiliarity
& common kindness

then tomorrow will come
& you'll be gone
to a new place
scattering petals of yourself
down the road

 that is the beauty in the journey
the discovery
of them
of yourself
of just how big this world is
In the discovery that we're all just people
strangers to one another
on the road to somewhere
where nobody knows your name

& realizing
how great
the journey
can be

on falling

I don't believe in falling
out of love
because if you really, truly
with all the honesty of your
whole heart
once loved someone

for the reasons no one else
could ever fully understand
like the way their voice sounds
first thing in the morning
or the way they look into your eyes
for their crooked smile
and the music they dance to
when they're all alone
for the scenes that make them cry
In movies that will never seem half as interesting as they are, to you
for the way they smell something like sunshine
& how their hand wrapped around yours feels a great deal like coming home
after a long trip away
for the way they make you feel
like a child
on the very first day of summer

tell me,
if you really loved them,
how in the world
could you ever just
fall out
of love

once upon a time

my mother once told me
that I have a poets soul
because I feel everything so deeply
she told me I have an artists mind
because I hear in color

my grandmother once told me
I was special
because I see beauty
in the cracks
of the walls
where others see
only what is in front of them

my father says I am an old soul
that my heart beats at a naive pace
for I am only seventeen
but the blood in my veins
runs through
like a river set by time
steady & strong

and I think
that when my Father in Heaven
created those before me
He saved for me
a single strand
of hair
from each of their
heads
and wove them in between
my humble brown locks

I think
He left my heart out in the clouds
until it became drenched
heavy
In the rain

I think
He pulled stars down from the sky
and anchored them to my eyes

I think
He collected dandelion seeds
& planted them in my feet

I know
He gave me
this old oak
heart
for reasons I may never know

my father once told me
I have an old soul
&
I smiled, looked up to the sky

my Father 
wrote me an old tale