n u m b

                    The world lost an amazing soul today.
It's an unworldly feeling, seeing a relative's name in the news.
There's been a mistake, you're sure. Not them - they wouldn't, they couldn't. Surreal in the most sickening way. How is it that a life can be taken in seconds time?
Already numb, I wonder how they could just write out a name, age, and one simple word that changes everything: deceased.
But they're so, so much more than that word. They're not the kid who died and made the news Monday morning; they're the kid you laughed with, watched movies with, and grew up with. The kid who accidentally melted your dinner in the oven, and fed it to the dog. That kid they wrote about, he was one of the greatest guys I will ever know.
When all you can recall is the good times, reality is fogged over and it seems nearly impossible to tell yourself they're gone.

A life cannot be summed up in a news report; nor can it be forgotten that easily. The best you can do is hold onto the memories as hard as you can, embrace all that are trying to do the same, and pray. Pray harder than you ever have before; for the ones struggling, for the ones you're indebted to have, and the one you've lost -  hoping they know you'll never forget. 
And then that phrase 'life is too short' is suddenly a truth that holds more sincerity than ever before. 

It's a unique kind of grieving; the kind that will make you cry, sit in silence for hours, and smile in remembrance. The kind that makes your heart psychically ache. The only way to lift yourself back up is to remember their story hasn't ended. I have to keep a grasp on my faith that the heartache today is merely ephemeral.

I'm not experienced in these kinds of goodbyes, and I can't picture saying that eight-letter word to you. I can hardly think of any words sufficient. But... I suppose you already know. 
Until we meet again, Justin. Just like you said.

With all of my love to him, our family, and anyone grieving over any kind of loss,
x Madeleine

{1999-2015}